Douglas

The details of my life are quite inconsequential…. Where should I begin? My father was a relentlessly self improving boulangerie owner from Chicago with a penchant for buggery and low grade narcolepsy. My mother was a French prostitute named Paulette with webbed feet. My father would drink, he would womanize. He would make outrageous claims, like he invented the "?". Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The general malaise that the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Renton. Luge lessons. In the Spring we would make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds - it's all pretty standard really. At 12 I received my 1st scribe of period at 14, a Zoroastrian named Vilmer ritualistically shaved my nether regions. There is nothing like a shorn scrotum, is quite breathtaking. I suggest that you try it...

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